The Enterprise tracks some missing Federation crew down to Target Practice Planet. Crusher breaks a leg, Geordi takes control, and Picard has to sit through a presentation about a timeshare.
The episode far exceeds the standard phaser fire quotient.
Memory Hole:
The underutilization of Troi creeps in. She gives meaningful looks for like 10 minutes before she has a line. Some episodes she’s mysteriously “away at a conference”. She must have an awesome lanyard collection to go with her scarves.
Seriously you guys?
The Quote:
What’s the armament on the Lollipop?
Don’t fuck with the Candyland Crew.
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
The cavern sequence with Picard and Crusher. Some of the best acting in the series so far.
Anyone have any Neosporin?
Fiancé’s Verdict:
Some good life lessons for being a good person/leader.
The Enterprise gets a surprise white glove inspection while Wesley makes friends with a space bro that vapes.
“I can do 2 and a half Blues Traveler songs on my vape harmonica. Wanna hear?”
Memory Hole:
The episode should be titled “Everyone hates Remmick”. He turns the dickishness up to 11, which does not help him in his task to get to the bottom of “troubles on the Enterprise”.
Who me?
The Quote:
Acceptable or not, it is the truth.
Data lays down the law right in Remmick’s face.
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
Wesley going aggro.
“Fucking say that Gobots were better than Transformers one more god damned time!”
Fiancé’s Verdict:
Nice to see them as a family. And now she actually likes Picard for the first time.
Data’s unstable twin brother has daddy issues, wants to kill everyone.
“Oh Data, you’re so murderable. I mean, adorable.”
Memory Hole:
Everyone on the ship is way too trusting. An evil version of the smartest and most powerful crew member is onboard? Let’s have Wesley follow him around to ensure he stays out of trouble.
Android foreplay.
The Quote:
The Westworld theme song just popped into my head.
When we’re in the laboratory down on the planet.
“Stop looking at my other ass Geordi.”
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
The crew asking, in front of Data, if his twin has “all the same parts”. Subtle guys.
Fiancé’s Verdict:
Why is Picard so caring about everyone but Wesley?
{Yes, we weren’t supposed to watch this one, but the fiancé saw it was a Q episode and demanded it be included.}
Recap:
Q shows up to fuck with the crew, look fabulous in more costumes, and have a Shakespeare-off with Picard.
Memory Hole:
Our first real visit to Styrofoam Planet 1. It’s pretty bad.
Clouds cost extra.
The Quote:
A marshall of France? Ridiculous.
Picard is jealous of the high collar look though. Really goes with the shape of his head.
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
Q’s crazy punishment for losing yet another bet with Picard. This is why Picard isn’t invited to poker nights.
The power of Christ compels him?
Fiancé’s Verdict:
Fun because she likes Q. Although this one was extra silly. The Q episodes are self gratifying to the human species, pumping up our uniqueness in the absence of absolute power.
Space hippies love skimpy clothing, prancing, and the death penalty. And Wesley isn’t getting a football scholarship to Starfleet anytime soon.
A culture crippled by public displays of erections.
Memory Hole:
No really, these outfits must have scandalized my young brain. If this show existed in the days of TiVo/DVR, it would have been the most rewound and rewatched in slow motion.
It’s a well oiled society.
The Quote:
Why isn’t Data down there? He likes to fuck.
2nd place: “Oh my god” X 5 as we see what the entire planet is wearing.
“This is why you include ‘Dress Code’ in the invitation Debra.”
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
Tasha is DTF, but also discovering info undercover-like.
“You really have to try the threesomes here Worf. Way better than on that slug planet.”
Fiancé’s Verdict:
Stay off the lawn meets the prime directive. Also, she finds Wesley kind of endearing.
Wes’ favorite holodeck program involves women’s gymnastics.
The Enterprise lets an asshole and an alien with dinosaur hands play around with their warpcore.
This guy is just lucky we don’t use QWERTY keyboards in this century.
Memory Hole:
Wes the fashion forward youth.
This is just the sweater version of Seinfeld’s pirate shirt, right?
The Quote:
The boy?
Everyone is super condescending to Wes, even though he’s had the right solution in roughly 100% of the episodes thus far.
Bonus:
I don’t know if I’d ever forgive Riker for interrupting a conversation with my dead mama.
Even Picard’s memories of his mother are classy as shit.
Fiancé’s Favorite Moments:
Tie between the 2nd galaxy they’re thrown to –
This is awesome. But let’s not launch a single probe.
And all the interactions between the Traveler and Wesley. It’s refreshing to have an adult not be a total dick to him and finally realize his potential.
Fiancé’s Verdict:
“Creative adventuring in space with friends!” She’s enjoying seeing the crew become more of a family.
The Enterprise crew gets hammered and behaves like what a 14 year old thinks being drunk is.
Memory Hole:
Geordi doesn’t want to give into the “wild things” that are popping into his head. I don’t remember him being a sexual creature at all, so this surprised me.
“Usually I get to the shoulders before they get creeped out.”
Also, how the hell is Riker immune for almost the entire episode? Does he have a base layer of bourbon and horniness at all times?
The Quote:
What the fuck was that noise?
I still can’t believe it. A close second is how he says “Beverly” when he enters the sick bay later.
A distant third is how, each time someone was infected, there was a harp-like sound effect.
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
Tasha’s outfit and putting the moves on a fully functional Data.
Q, an all powerful being with the hubris of a trust fund real estate magnate, puts the crew (and humanity) on trial. They just have to solve a puzzle to prove they’re not the same murderous maniacs they were in the 21st century.
Memory Hole:
I could have sworn they get to Farpoint in the start of this episode. Nope. Q taunts them for half an hour before we even see the station.
All of these actors are still figuring out their characters, so I can forgive some of the overacting on display.
Also, still figuring out wardrobe.
The Quote:
Nice sweater.
The burlap sack look makes the panties drop.
With a close 2nd being “He just asked to fuck right now, right?” The fiancé wasn’t buying Riker’s innocent intentions when he asked Beverly “for a stroll”. Everything surrounding Riker in this episode is dripping with innuendo. From Troi’s looks of longing (with awkwardly soaring music), to an officer staring at his ass after helping him find the holodeck, it’s bonetown for number one.
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
Q and his transformations. A playful and creative adversary.
Fiancé’s Verdict:
“It’s Star Trek.” By which she means do-gooders in space. So it lives up to the expectations set by the original series.
Also, Picard is an awkward dick.
“Don’t let anyone know I hate children. I will be yelling at one in the next scene, so good luck with that.”
Full Disclosure: I’m a Star Trek nerd. Steeped in science fiction from birth (there was a Spock poster in the room), I’ve seen all of The Next Generation (TNG), Deep Space Nine (DS9), Enterprise, most of Voyager, and all of the movies before the reboot. My fiancé, however, had no such upbringing. Sure, she knows of Captain Picard through immersion in pop culture, but she never watched the shows*. But relationships are built on a foundation of communication, shared experiences, and smiling politely when they reveal a Huey Lewis tape was the first album they owned. I’d be remiss if I didn’t share my love of The Next Generation so she can understand what molded me (for better or worse) during my formative years.
A 7 season long prog rock project.
Calling TNG’s first season spotty is generous. I was never going to convince her to plop down for 26 episodes of a show I haven’t watched since it premiered almost 30 years ago. I’m not expecting her to learn Klingon or beat Wil Wheaton at bar trivia night. I mean, this season doesn’t even have the sex appeal of Riker’s beard. So I did what many have done before me: narrowed down the episodes to what I thought was required based on my hazy recollection. Plus a little help from listening to a Star Trek Podcast (I told you I was a nerd. Stop acting surprised.).
What makes it required?
Character introductions, strong character development, intriguing science fiction concepts, etc. Some guides pare this season down to 5 episodes. I don’t think you can get to know these characters in 5 episodes. Especially in a first season that’s light on characterization and arcs.
Continuity (C) – All episodes marked as C are not necessarily great. Or maybe even good. But they are required to make sense of things, even if it’s for a payoff seasons later.
Silliness (S) – These episodes are ridiculous. But I’m looking forward to the “WTF just happened?” bonding time on the couch with my fiancé.
It’s a good plan. And you can follow along! As we watch each episode, I’ll post a brief entry with my scientific findings. Do I regret including an episode? Was it as bad/good/cheesy/erotic as I remember? What did the fiancé think of the whole thing? How many times did Picard adjust his jumpsuit? Stay tuned.
*We already went through a similar experiment with Star Trek TOS and those 6 films. No, I didn’t make her watch The Final Frontier. I’m no monster.
