Candy corn is one of the most polarizing treats in existence. Want proof? You were either intrigued or repulsed after just reading the title of this post. There’s no middle ground. Sides taken, let the candy war begin.

Nowadays every treat has variations, flavors and holiday versions. From Mint Oreos to Caramel Irish Creme to Crystal Pepsi. Everyone likes to try out a twist on the original. That brings us here.

Intrigued by this new abomination, and firmly in the “candy corn good” camp, I decided to conduct an experiment. Gather friends, coworkers, candy and an audio recorder. Compare the candies labeling themselves as candy corn flavored with the real deal. Simple.

The crowd was evenly divided among the lovers/haters of the original candy. That’s not just good luck, that’s good science. In addition to the Oreos, we also procured some M&M “candy corn” candies for testing purposes. And because there were brightly colored and we’re easily distracted.

Here’s what we found:

Candy Corn

Everyone ate a few pieces of the original candy corn (Brachs) to remind themselves what it is supposed to taste like.

“It doesn’t taste like anything. Just tastes like sugar in your mouth.”

“Not as bad as I remember.”

“The glorious flavor of corn syrup.”

“Honey and salt, like kettle corn.”

Cookie Predictions

Opening thoughts.

“I’m afraid I’m going to like it.”

“Am I gonna get cancer?”

Cookie Smell

Everyone takes a big whiff before they get a nibble. Would it taste like it smelled? Was this all a big mistake? Let’s find out.

“Cake batter.”

“Smells like diabetes. I didn’t know that had a smell.”

“Doesn’t smell like an Oreo.”

“Mother’s taffy cookies.”

“Lucky Charms marshmallows.”

Cookie Taste

“Oh my god.”

“Why did I buy two boxes of that?”

“Vanilla. I want to eat this with milk.”

“Tastes like fake.”

“You can’t even discern a flavor out of this.”

{unable to finish even one cookie}

“Get me water!”

“I despise candy corn, but I’d eat another oreo candy corn.”

“The cookie is better, the filling is meh.”

“Filling tastes more like icing.”

“Like a knockoff cookie you get in a gas station.”

“Unfinished. Nothing salty about it like a normal oreo.”

“Yeah, I won’t be buying those.”

“Kinda tastes like paste.”

{opens up the cookie, eats the filling, makes a sad face}

“This is delicious. Modern food chemistry is amazing. You got a winner here.”

{admitted horrible sweet tooth}

“Stronger chemical taste.”

“Got the coloring exactly right. That’s all they worked on.”

General Consensus

There were a few outliers, but the overall trend was negative. Smells like cake batter. Tastes like a sickly sweet icing crammed between cookies.

M&M Smell

“Skittles?”

“Oh, I don’t like that. {gross face}”

“Nothing like candy corn.”

M&M Taste

Admittedly, these are very clearly marked as “white chocolate” on the bag. Still, the coloring and “candy corn” prominently displayed hint at a flavor being present. The verdict?

“White chocolate with a creepy aftertaste.”

“I need to rinse my mouth out.”

“Holy crap, I’m getting a headache.”

“Vanilla & cake batter.”

“Not a fan.” “Tastes chemically.”

“Sucked ass.”

“I would spit this out. Tastes like I’m eating makeup. It’s fake icing crossed with a perfume.”

“Just repellent. It’s up there with cilantro.”

“I didn’t like it. It was just creepy.”

“No.”

Wrap Up

No one seems able to competently match the flavor of candy corn in their own products. “Thank god!” I hear you scream. But why? Is it the texture? The Oreo had the texture of Oreo filling, not a piece of candy corn. The M&M was a hard candy shell with the white chocolate in the center. Nothing at all like the waxiness of candy corn.

And flavor? Well, what does candy corn actually taste like? Is it just sweetness? A mixture of all the sweeteners (there are like 5 on the ingredients list)? What gives it that certain something?

I emailed Brachs to find out. They sent back this quote, confirming my suspicions:

[quote style=”boxed” float=”left”]Some consumers believe that “Honey” is what makes our candy corn so good!”[/quote]

I’m not sure why they put “honey” in quotes. Was it fake honey? Is it honey with a capital H like krab with a K? Do they blend up our past loves, soylent green style to serve to us every Halloween? Yes, yes they do.

I’d like to thank and apologize to all my friends and coworkers who I put thru this taste test experiment. I assaulted your tastebuds with the best of intentions.