A new doctor! Riker’s beard! Guinan! The introduction of the Borg!
That is definitely a moon backdrop, not something left over from Wil Wheaton’s prom.
TNG’s second season starts to pick up steam. With so many important introductions and two or three great episodes, the show really starts to hit its stride. It’s not perfect (the season ends in a clip show due to the writer’s strike), but it’s a strong lead into character arcs and storylines we’ll be following for the rest of the series.
What makes it required?
Character introductions, strong character development, intriguing science fiction concepts, etc.
Continuity (C) – All episodes marked as C are not necessarily great. Or maybe even good. But they are required to make sense of things, even if it’s for a payoff seasons later.
Silliness (S) – These episodes are ridiculous. But I’m looking forward to the “WTF just happened?” bonding time on the couch with my wife.
Season Two
Originally aired 1988-89
(all episode guides contain spoilers)
It’s a good plan. And you can follow along! As we watch each episode, I’ll post a brief entry with my scientific findings. Do I regret including an episode? Was it as bad/good/cheesy/erotic as I remember? What did the wife think of the whole thing? How often do they change uniform designs on this damned show anyway? Stay tuned.
Data saves some human relics of the 20th century while the Enterprise plays hide & seek with a Romulan ship.
Memory Hole:
Nobody gives a damn about the capsule except for Data. It ends up having three humans on board, but the rest of the crew treats it like a big inconvenience.
“Are we supposed to be the villains? Because these jumpsuits are giving off a strong ‘Bond Villain’ vibe here.”
Also, their story has nothing to do with the Romulans (the supposed A storyline). It’s like they had two half storylines and said “Fuck it. The 20th century dude can spin some wisdom at a key moment. Makes total sense.”
Sorry Romulans, this episode is now about 20th century rubes excited about their compound interest.
The Quote:
She’s a fucking necromancer.
-Fiancé about Doctor Crusher’s ability to bring the 3 capsule jockeys back to life.
Seriously, they were all dead. Look how casually she treats this miracle. Bev is a baller.
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
Beverly’s casual miracle of bringing three people cryogenically frozen for 350 years back to life. NBD.
Fiancé’s Verdict:
The lesson from the B story: The focus of life is to improve one self, not collect wealth.
“Ok, if you don’t have a copy of the Wall Street Journal, I’ll take a USA Today. I can slum it.”
The Enterprise tracks some missing Federation crew down to Target Practice Planet. Crusher breaks a leg, Geordi takes control, and Picard has to sit through a presentation about a timeshare.
The episode far exceeds the standard phaser fire quotient.
Memory Hole:
The underutilization of Troi creeps in. She gives meaningful looks for like 10 minutes before she has a line. Some episodes she’s mysteriously “away at a conference”. She must have an awesome lanyard collection to go with her scarves.
Seriously you guys?
The Quote:
What’s the armament on the Lollipop?
Don’t fuck with the Candyland Crew.
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
The cavern sequence with Picard and Crusher. Some of the best acting in the series so far.
Anyone have any Neosporin?
Fiancé’s Verdict:
Some good life lessons for being a good person/leader.
The Enterprise gets a surprise white glove inspection while Wesley makes friends with a space bro that vapes.
“I can do 2 and a half Blues Traveler songs on my vape harmonica. Wanna hear?”
Memory Hole:
The episode should be titled “Everyone hates Remmick”. He turns the dickishness up to 11, which does not help him in his task to get to the bottom of “troubles on the Enterprise”.
Who me?
The Quote:
Acceptable or not, it is the truth.
Data lays down the law right in Remmick’s face.
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
Wesley going aggro.
“Fucking say that Gobots were better than Transformers one more god damned time!”
Fiancé’s Verdict:
Nice to see them as a family. And now she actually likes Picard for the first time.
Data’s unstable twin brother has daddy issues, wants to kill everyone.
“Oh Data, you’re so murderable. I mean, adorable.”
Memory Hole:
Everyone on the ship is way too trusting. An evil version of the smartest and most powerful crew member is onboard? Let’s have Wesley follow him around to ensure he stays out of trouble.
Android foreplay.
The Quote:
The Westworld theme song just popped into my head.
When we’re in the laboratory down on the planet.
“Stop looking at my other ass Geordi.”
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
The crew asking, in front of Data, if his twin has “all the same parts”. Subtle guys.
Fiancé’s Verdict:
Why is Picard so caring about everyone but Wesley?
{Yes, we weren’t supposed to watch this one, but the fiancé saw it was a Q episode and demanded it be included.}
Recap:
Q shows up to fuck with the crew, look fabulous in more costumes, and have a Shakespeare-off with Picard.
Memory Hole:
Our first real visit to Styrofoam Planet 1. It’s pretty bad.
Clouds cost extra.
The Quote:
A marshall of France? Ridiculous.
Picard is jealous of the high collar look though. Really goes with the shape of his head.
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
Q’s crazy punishment for losing yet another bet with Picard. This is why Picard isn’t invited to poker nights.
The power of Christ compels him?
Fiancé’s Verdict:
Fun because she likes Q. Although this one was extra silly. The Q episodes are self gratifying to the human species, pumping up our uniqueness in the absence of absolute power.
Space hippies love skimpy clothing, prancing, and the death penalty. And Wesley isn’t getting a football scholarship to Starfleet anytime soon.
A culture crippled by public displays of erections.
Memory Hole:
No really, these outfits must have scandalized my young brain. If this show existed in the days of TiVo/DVR, it would have been the most rewound and rewatched in slow motion.
It’s a well oiled society.
The Quote:
Why isn’t Data down there? He likes to fuck.
2nd place: “Oh my god” X 5 as we see what the entire planet is wearing.
“This is why you include ‘Dress Code’ in the invitation Debra.”
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
Tasha is DTF, but also discovering info undercover-like.
“You really have to try the threesomes here Worf. Way better than on that slug planet.”
Fiancé’s Verdict:
Stay off the lawn meets the prime directive. Also, she finds Wesley kind of endearing.
Wes’ favorite holodeck program involves women’s gymnastics.
The Enterprise lets an asshole and an alien with dinosaur hands play around with their warpcore.
This guy is just lucky we don’t use QWERTY keyboards in this century.
Memory Hole:
Wes the fashion forward youth.
This is just the sweater version of Seinfeld’s pirate shirt, right?
The Quote:
The boy?
Everyone is super condescending to Wes, even though he’s had the right solution in roughly 100% of the episodes thus far.
Bonus:
I don’t know if I’d ever forgive Riker for interrupting a conversation with my dead mama.
Even Picard’s memories of his mother are classy as shit.
Fiancé’s Favorite Moments:
Tie between the 2nd galaxy they’re thrown to –
This is awesome. But let’s not launch a single probe.
And all the interactions between the Traveler and Wesley. It’s refreshing to have an adult not be a total dick to him and finally realize his potential.
Fiancé’s Verdict:
“Creative adventuring in space with friends!” She’s enjoying seeing the crew become more of a family.
The Enterprise crew gets hammered and behaves like what a 14 year old thinks being drunk is.
Memory Hole:
Geordi doesn’t want to give into the “wild things” that are popping into his head. I don’t remember him being a sexual creature at all, so this surprised me.
“Usually I get to the shoulders before they get creeped out.”
Also, how the hell is Riker immune for almost the entire episode? Does he have a base layer of bourbon and horniness at all times?
The Quote:
What the fuck was that noise?
I still can’t believe it. A close second is how he says “Beverly” when he enters the sick bay later.
A distant third is how, each time someone was infected, there was a harp-like sound effect.
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
Tasha’s outfit and putting the moves on a fully functional Data.
Q, an all powerful being with the hubris of a trust fund real estate magnate, puts the crew (and humanity) on trial. They just have to solve a puzzle to prove they’re not the same murderous maniacs they were in the 21st century.
Memory Hole:
I could have sworn they get to Farpoint in the start of this episode. Nope. Q taunts them for half an hour before we even see the station.
All of these actors are still figuring out their characters, so I can forgive some of the overacting on display.
Also, still figuring out wardrobe.
The Quote:
Nice sweater.
The burlap sack look makes the panties drop.
With a close 2nd being “He just asked to fuck right now, right?” The fiancé wasn’t buying Riker’s innocent intentions when he asked Beverly “for a stroll”. Everything surrounding Riker in this episode is dripping with innuendo. From Troi’s looks of longing (with awkwardly soaring music), to an officer staring at his ass after helping him find the holodeck, it’s bonetown for number one.
Fiancé’s Favorite Moment:
Q and his transformations. A playful and creative adversary.
Fiancé’s Verdict:
“It’s Star Trek.” By which she means do-gooders in space. So it lives up to the expectations set by the original series.
Also, Picard is an awkward dick.
“Don’t let anyone know I hate children. I will be yelling at one in the next scene, so good luck with that.”
Full Disclosure: I’m a Star Trek nerd. Steeped in science fiction from birth (there was a Spock poster in the room), I’ve seen all of The Next Generation (TNG), Deep Space Nine (DS9), Enterprise, most of Voyager, and all of the movies before the reboot. My fiancé, however, had no such upbringing. Sure, she knows of Captain Picard through immersion in pop culture, but she never watched the shows*. But relationships are built on a foundation of communication, shared experiences, and smiling politely when they reveal a Huey Lewis tape was the first album they owned. I’d be remiss if I didn’t share my love of The Next Generation so she can understand what molded me (for better or worse) during my formative years.
A 7 season long prog rock project.
Calling TNG’s first season spotty is generous. I was never going to convince her to plop down for 26 episodes of a show I haven’t watched since it premiered almost 30 years ago. I’m not expecting her to learn Klingon or beat Wil Wheaton at bar trivia night. I mean, this season doesn’t even have the sex appeal of Riker’s beard. So I did what many have done before me: narrowed down the episodes to what I thought was required based on my hazy recollection. Plus a little help from listening to a Star Trek Podcast (I told you I was a nerd. Stop acting surprised.).
What makes it required?
Character introductions, strong character development, intriguing science fiction concepts, etc. Some guides pare this season down to 5 episodes. I don’t think you can get to know these characters in 5 episodes. Especially in a first season that’s light on characterization and arcs.
Continuity (C) – All episodes marked as C are not necessarily great. Or maybe even good. But they are required to make sense of things, even if it’s for a payoff seasons later.
Silliness (S) – These episodes are ridiculous. But I’m looking forward to the “WTF just happened?” bonding time on the couch with my fiancé.
It’s a good plan. And you can follow along! As we watch each episode, I’ll post a brief entry with my scientific findings. Do I regret including an episode? Was it as bad/good/cheesy/erotic as I remember? What did the fiancé think of the whole thing? How many times did Picard adjust his jumpsuit? Stay tuned.
*We already went through a similar experiment with Star Trek TOS and those 6 films. No, I didn’t make her watch The Final Frontier. I’m no monster.
Your movie franchise made it to the 7th installment. Congratulations! Good for you. Way to stick it to those pathetic trilogies. You gotta commit if you want staying power, amiright? But what should you expect? How have other 7th films done? You’ve come a long way, but now every other news story is about how it couldn’t possibly live up to the hype (or the original). And there’s no curve for nostalgia. To the history books!
My Arbitrary Criteria: No spinoffs. The Alien movies are out because we’d have to include the Alien v Predator movies to get to 7. X-Men also doesn’t count, as two of the films were mostly Wolverine-only affairs. As much as I’d love to include Land Before Time (13?! films), we’re strictly live action for this list (which still includes muppets, strangely). No complete reboots (Sorry Batman). Also, English only (Sayonara Godzilla). In chronological order:
Bond – Diamonds are Forever
Bond is so cool he can get a diamond and two women just by playing the claw game
9 years after the original (1962-1971) IMDB Users – 6.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes – 65%
What was it?
Connery, Blofeld, a woman named Tiffany Case (Jewelry Handbag? Moxie Manpurse?), classic Bond. Also known as “Hey, isn’t that the one after George whatshisface was bond for like half a minute?” Not be confused with “The one where Sean Connery comes back, but he’s significantly older” (Never Say Never Again).
How’d it go? Domestic Adjusted Gross: $43,819,500 – 18th in the series. Not bad considering there are 25 of these things (and the series will continue on long past we’re all dust). Adjust for ticket price and it’s actually #9 out of the bunch. Either way you cut it, it’s firmly a middle of the road bond film that people generally enjoy.
The Pink Panther – Curse of the Pink Panther
Haha, that cat is trying to murder you
20 years after the original (1963-1983) IMDB User Rating – 4.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes – 29%
What was it?
A film centered on trying to find your star would be an anomaly in any other franchise. But for The Pink Panther, this was actually the second such attempt. The previous year’s Trail of the Pink Panther pulled a similar stunt, but cut together the film with unused footage of Peter Sellers (who died in 1980). Curse’s plot revolves around another bungling detective following the trail of Inspector Clouseau. Which, knowing the star died 3 years prior, is actually a bit sad, now that I think about it. Thanks a lot Pink Panther.
How’d it go?
Domestic Adjusted Gross: $11,351,200 – 9th in the series (out of 10). Only Son of the Pink Panther did worse. The Inspector was rebooted into real-life cartoon Roberto Benigni, who couldn’t resist hamming it up so much that you can feel it IN THE POSTER.
“I’m a wild and crazy guy!”
The failure of that shrug led to the series being rebooted with Steve Martin in 2006. (more…)
The Lobero Theater in Santa Barbara, CA was full. A variety pack of film buffs, writers, aspiring writers, and people who didn’t get in to see Jennifer Aniston receive her award the night before. 7 writers (plus the always excellent moderator Anne Thompson) took the stage to talk movies, writing, and to drink water from milk cartons. It’s my favorite part of the Santa Barbara International Film Festival – The Writer’s Panel.
The 2015 Gang
Anne jumped out of the gate with the first question: Why so few women screenwriters? None of the seven gentlemen want to touch the question with the proverbial ten foot, completely non-phallic pole. Graham Moore points out they’re not qualified to talk about it and the topic is quickly changed. The film festival tried to get Gillian Flynn (of Gone Girl fame), but there was a schedule conflict.
Now that we’re all cozy, it was time to get to know the panel. Jason Hall was a bad actor (his words). So he wrote parts for himself. Again and again. Unfortunately, nobody wanted to hire him for those either. But the writing piqued people’s interest. Several of the panelists are also poets, playwrights and one former painter. The career alliteration was completely coincidental.
Scream brought self-aware horror onto the scene with panache. The people yelling “No, don’t go in the basement alone!” were no longer confined to the theater, they were actual characters in the film. It’s a hip, punchy, scary movie filled with memorable characters that kept audiences coming back for more (3 more, at last count).
Considering how close this script mimics the final film, I’m guessing it was the shooting script (or cleaned up after the fact to closely match it). A couple missing scenes and several changed lines of dialogue were all that I could find between this and the released film.
So why read a slasher film from the mid 90s? Putting aside the whole “redefining the genre” bit, it really is an effective film. Short, mixing slasher horror seamlessly with comedic moments and even managing some social commentary along the way. I’m writing an action/comedy at the moment, with a straight up horror script in the works, so now seemed like as good a time as any to read this one. I was after the short bursts of action/description between the dialogue heavy chunks. I wanted to see how to construct something effective, scary, and yet punchy short.
If you want to write films, you must read scripts and watch movies. Simple. With that in mind, I sat down to watch Beverly Hills Cop (probably for the 7th or 8th time) for just one purpose. Let’s call it a Single Purpose Viewing (SPV). That purpose? How the action scenes moved the story along.
I’ve read that one of the many cardinal sins of action films is that the action sequences (you know, those things from the trailer that got you to buy a ticket) only exist to show action. They don’t actually advance the plot, develop the characters, or do anything for the story. If you took them out of the film, the story would still make perfect sense.
Since I’m in the process of outlining an action-comedy, I want to do it right. That’s where Eddie Murphy and Beverly Hills Cop fits in.
Our fast talking hero is introduced in the back of a truck full of illegal cigarrettes. He’s a quick talker that doesn’t want to be ripped off. Quickly it transforms into a chase with crashes, an explosion, and cop cars wrecked wrapped around lightpoles. Not exactly what he’d planned.
At the end of the chase, the line: “Foley, we shoulda known it was you.” is uttered. It’s the first time his name is mentioned. Now we know:
1) He’s viewed as a screwup.
2) He takes risks.
3) His schemes get out of hand.
4) He probably has disregard for the rules.
This is all confirmed by the next scene with his boss.
The non-action scenes set things up, establish relationships, make the consequences of the action scenes matter. We see that he and his friend are true pals, so we’re saddened when he gets shot. This scene makes the entire movie happen, so there’s no possibility of it being inconsequential. It is brutal though. The henchman seems like he’ll let him go, only to shoot him in the back of the head. So now we feel, just a little bit more, Foley’s need for justice/revenge.
Foley visits his prime suspect, only to be thrown out of an office window by 6 guys. The absurdity of this happening (as opposed to someone opening the damned door instead) isn’t lost on anyone. Foley immediately comments on it. It also serves to get Foley together with our friends at the Bervely Hills Police Department. Now we have:
1) Added suspicion on the guy who tossed him out.
2) Connections with the local police.
Beverly Hills Cop doesn’t have a great number of major action sequences (the sequel packs them in a bit more). But the ones it does have serves their purpose. The strip joint robbery attempt may seem like a throway scene, but it does many things:
1) Establish that Foley is a good detective, observant.
2) Shows that Foley can be serious when required.
3) Foley is now respected by the Beverly Hills cops, instead of being seen as a fool.
Lessers movies could have done all of these things with dialogue or flashbacks, but the audience would much rather see them come to light with shotguns and bare breasts.
When Foley and his friend are captured (a quick reversal of fortunes), it’s up to Billy, the “nice guy cop” to step up. It gives him the responsibility, him the power. He steps up, showing that he’s grown and isn’t as beholden to the rules & regulations of his world. The student saves the teacher.
The final action sequence culminates in a grand shootout. The other Beverly Hills cops show up, crossing over that line that held them back previously (search warrants, telling the truth, etc.). They’ve overcome a handicap, of sorts, by helping Foley on his quest. It’s an interesting twist in which the protagonist doesn’t grow an awful lot, but his supporting characters come to see the wisdom in his choices instead.
Just to make this post 60% more 80’s, here’s the theme song for your enjoyment.
Graham Moore – Imitation Game
If you want to write films, you must read scripts and watch movies. Simple. With that in mind, I sat down to watch Beverly Hills Cop (probably for the 7th or 8th time) for just one purpose. Let’s call it a Single Purpose Viewing (SPV). That purpose? How the action scenes moved the story along.